I wrote this a few weeks before my birthday, so several weeks ago now…

…

Mercy, this story feels choppy.

I gaze out the window and feel a bit lost. I feel squeezed and pushed and pulled and never at the right time doing the right thing. I know that the Lord has good purposes and good things for me. I know that I know that God loves, God protects, and God keeps me and all, and all of me.

But longings come between me and God, funny because I’m pretty sure they come from God–a gift. Wanting more is a gift. Don’t over-feed those longings or they’ll consume you–gift turned curse.

In April I will turn 25 and I won’t have everything I desire in life, and life will march on. I will love my husband, I will work hard, and I will depend, depend, depend, on the Lord. I refuse to ring in my 25th year living in the Land of the Forlorn, where my plans are law. No, I want to welcome this 2nd quarter of life with the wide open arms of a citizen of the Kingdom of God, brave and believing God’s promises.

…

Praying bravery and belief for you tonight. I think we need both