Right now we’ve got tomatoes, peppers, zucchini, and cucumbers in one bed (the one below), and lettuce, onions, strawberries, kale, green onions and spinach in the other. Here are some recent looks at how everything is growing!

And these are from a few weeks ago, in mid-April:

Hold on, friend.

When your dreams feel like old myths.
When you feel full to the brim with words words words.
When everything around you is growing.
When everything and everyone around you is decaying.

When your running on diet dr. pepper and bon bons.
When you’re feeling competent and powerful.
When you’re working late and tired of sitting, utterly fed up with that irony – that we computer-workers get tired by doing nothing physically all day.
When you just want to hide-away with a novel and some sunshine.

When you’re not getting what you want.
When you do get what you want and it turns out to be pretty ding-dang difficult.
When there’s so much pain and disappointment around you that you want to just wrap-up all the broken hearts in a blanket and rock them to rest.
When you’re off your game, and you can’t figure out why.

When you’re reading the Word faithfully.
When you’re staring at your closed Bible, wondering, who have you become?

When you’re doing ALL THE THINGS and it’s AWESOME.
When you’re doing ALL THE THINGS and it’s TERRIBLE.

When you’re feeling whiny and self-indulgent.
When you let someone down.
When you surprise and impress someone.
When your kitchen is a hot mess.

No matter what, whether the lists are long or short, the emotions high or low, the hopes broken or intact, hold on to the real-deal truth about you: you are made by God, and you are an image-bearer of God. God wants you, your actual messy self, in His family. Period. No matter what you’ve done or will ever do. Hold onto that.

—

(Related – finished The Freedom of Self Forgetfulness this week, which speaks to Christian identity and freedom in Christ. Review coming soon.)

Today love, hold onto this if you need to:

No season of your life is a waste.

Not a single solitary season. Not a single one.

Whole strings of days, swaths of them,
that felt like a total loss to us, or maybe just boring or blank,
I think that God’s deep and wide grace – His everlasting kindness,
His vast love for us, His knack for redemption in the face of hopelessness – can somehow, someday, redeem even those seasons, heal even those hurts.

I believe God can give us the unearthly gift of seeing what good, however small or tender or distant, was brought from pain.

If you’re in a bad or blank or unplanned string of days, feeling off-balance and a little wounded, grab onto this like a life-preserver: Father God sees you, sees this season, and none of it is a waste in His eyes. None of it.

May we have eyes to see the good in the unplanned, and may we have the spirit to accept that in others and in ourselves, a happy heart is still very much possible even in imperfect days.

—

“I will restore to you the years
that the swarming locust has eaten”
Joel 2:25

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,
for those who are called according to his purpose.”
Romans 8:28

Since I started Bread and Wine, I’ve caught myself eating slower, enjoying food more, not multitasking at meals anymore. I’ve found myself just doing one thing at a time, and I’m really grateful for that.

This morning, as Garret was on his way out the door to go fishing, I was still waking up, staggering around the kitchen looking for breakfast. He left, I turned the TV off and ignored my phone, and I settled in at our kitchen table with some Nutella toast, Bread and Wine waiting for me to cover the last few pages, and hazelnut coffee. (Instant hazelnut coffee, if I’m honest. I was feeling a touch lazy.)

Our kitchen is a decent-sized, L-shaped, linoleum-covered space, and in the corner by the window we have our little round table. It really only comfortably seats four or five, but I’d squeeze as many people around it as I could if it was only up to me. Garret isn’t on the same page with me there – the man doesn’t like to be crowded.

Last week I cooked Shauna’s go-to risotto recipe for the first time, along with roasted veggies and pan-cooked chicken. Y’all, both of us just about died from the yum.

Garret chopped sweet potatoes, Brussels sprouts, and parsnips, while I followed every step of the risotto recipe to a T. I barely knew what risotto even was, so I was excited to maybe actually cook it myself! Garret loves flavor and gets excited about mixing seasonings, so he is in charge of seasoning things most of the time in our house. While he was seasoning the vegetables, lightly sprayed with butter, I put the chicken (marinated overnight in fresh lemon and lime juice, garlic, and apple cider vinegar) in a pan, with chopped peppers I’d pulled out of the freezer for a little color.

Cooking together is almost always fun, but this meal was rich and extra-good, and Garret looked at me like I’d solved a mystery of the universe when he took his first bite. We were both proud of how good our home-grown Brussels sprouts tasted, and we both ate the leftover risotto in record time over the next two days.

In Bread and Wine, Shauna shares that her heart for gathering people around the table is all about giving people a safe, welcoming place where they can rest and be fed, where we can all admit our humanity – that we need to slow down, we need friends and help, and we’re hungry.

We have a small, sweet group of friends that we have dinner with often, and once I saw how big of a hit the risotto and roasted vegetables were with Garret, I knew it’d work great for our little super club. So, we all got together a few nights ago, with pot roast, red wine, risotto, roasted sweet potatoes and broccoli and sprouts and parsnips, and Bluebell – blessed Bluebell – for dessert. It was a gooood night.

I can’t eat this rich, savory risotto quickly. I find myself holding my fork a little looser, relaxing and enjoying. Paying attention to all of it – the smells, the people, the tastes.

Shauna’s book isn’t a heavy or theological memoir but like her first two books, her vulnerability caught me, drew me in, made me really listen. I love that she invites us all to be honest about how God made us and what God made us to love – she loves to cook and entertain – her brother loves to sail and be at the lake.

I also enjoyed her practicality about food and people – that hospitality is about being present not perfect, about having a few go-to recipes, planning ahead a little, meeting people’s needs, and opening your door. I have a small house, small table, and almost-always-dirty kitchen floors, but I still found this book really helpful and practical.

One thing that I will note about Bread and Wine is that if you’ve read her other books and/or kept up with her blog, the order of events in this book’s essays may be a little confusing – it seemed to me that there was a little repetition and sometimes it confused me, but not bad. So, it’s a lovely collection of short essays, just like Cold Tangerines and Bittersweet, but this time with easy, delicious recipes. And can I just say? I love that her recipes are long and rambling – that’s how I write directions and recipes, too.

Bread and Wine was exactly what I wanted it to be – approachable, rich to the senses, heart-breaking at times, and hilarious. It reminded me to slow down and be present in tangible life, with friends and family, pots and pans, meat and vegetables.

*Disclosure: I was provided with an advanced reading copy of this book. But, the content of this review is my own opinion.

Last year, I really enjoyed writing about what 24 taught me, so I figured I’d take a go at again this year. My recent birthday was sweet and encouraging. Gratitude, messiness, freedom in Christ, working hard, settling into friendships, having fun with Garret, pressing on in creativity in my full-time work, continuing to grow with photography, and trying to live and communicate out of grace and freedom in Christ… this is where I’m at these days… as a 26 year-old.

Also? 26 just sounds weird. 25 sounded like fun. I’m having trouble getting it in my brain that I really am this age. It doesn’t feel old, but just… odd.

Being in your 30s looks appealing. It looks appealing because some days I just feel ready to be older and wiser, maybe not making the same ‘ol mistakes over and over again, maybe having a few things figured out.

I’ve written this list of what I’ve learned in the past year, but it’s just not the whole story. The whole story is that I have learned some by trying new things this year, but I’ve learned a ton by reading and listening and thinking – which has been great, I’m reading more books than I ever have before – but I’ve got this list and now I’m feeling convicted and pulled that this next year’s list? What 26 taught me? I need to learn those things by doing.

By loving through actions. By taking chances and trusting the Lord. By following rules that need to be followed. By traveling when possible. By really “making a go at” photography. By not procrastinating. By being mentally tough and faithfully doing difficult things. By practicing hospitality even with a small, messy house and a little stack of go-to recipes.

Not exactly sure about all that yet, but something along the lines of reading less, acting more is brewing…

So. That being said. This is what I think I know at 26. Many of these overlap with last year’s lessons learned. I’m a little slow on the up-take sometimes.

What 25 Taught Me

1. I don’t know much, and I need to remember that.
2. Having a husband who gets enthusiastic about my dreams, interests, etc. is such a gift. And getting excited about his dreams right alongside him, cheering him on, too, is really fun for me.
3. Christian marriage books are helpful and needed. But, personally, I watch out for formulaic marriage advice. We follow Jesus, and read and follow the Word, and then together lovingly figure out what works best in our marriage. This is all I know really – we try to love and serve each other selflessly, are lead by the Holy Spirit, accommodate each other’s personalities, give each other a break during hard seasons, ask questions about our days, budget, listen, goof-off, and work hard at it.
4. Listening and growing and reading – and in all of those, being guided and molded by the Holy Spirit – means that I change my mind about things sometimes. And that’s a good thing. We’re not rocks, we’re people. We change. I love this, actually. I love watching myself and others evolve as the Lord molds us through the Word, experiences, knowledge, service, friends, travel, etc.
5. Start where you are. This has been excellent advice for me. My camera and gear are less than ideal, but taking a risk and taking beginning steps into photography has been worth it. I’ve learned so much and gotten to serve some wonderful people.
6. I need to figure out what makes me happy and refuels me, and then actually do those things more often, when I can, purposefully allocating time, money and space for them. Gardening is one of those things for me. It makes me really happy.
7. Roasted sweet potatoes, lightly sprayed with olive oil and seasoned with garlic and salt, are delicious. (Thanks for teaching me that, Mom!)
8. My go-to, make-ahead, weekday salad is: mixed greens + ham (or grilled chicken if we have some) + chopped green onions (if we have it) + shaved parmesean + tiny apple slices. No dressing.
9. My favorite, easy, dinner for nights when cooking just isn’t happening is: pistachios + slices of aged white cheddar + apple slices, and a glass of white wine. I’m pretty sure I could subsist on these four things for the rest of my life, actually. (Garret is fine with making his own simple dinner sometimes, too. Hooray for my sweet, flexible husband.)
10. Work is hard work, day-in and day-out. With that in mind, keep seeking out wise women, events, resources, books etc. on how to do the 8-5 life well!
11. It’s A-OK to read blogs, books, etc. of different views than mine. It’s good and challenging. I want to embrace my voracious appetite for words and use it for good.
12. And, while I should use my God-given brain to not be swayed by everything I read, I should also practice reading other people’s life stories with an open heart and open mind. Doing this allows me to increase my understanding and empathy for PEOPLE, helping me put humanity and faces on controversial issues, instead of overlaying them with politics and assumptions. (Shout-out to A Deeper Story for their wonderful work!)
13. Friendship is hard in adulthood, in my experience, because it can take more effort than it did in college. But that’s alright! It can be a beneficial difficulty, actually, and I still have seriously wonderful friends!
14. It’s starting to look like broken-heartedly regretting things that I said to people back when I thought I knew everything (side-eye to you, college years) may happen more often as mature. It’s kind of painful.
15. Unmet goals are not the end of the world. Goals just help us stay on track and do things on purpose.
16. To lose weight and become healthier, what works for me is changing BOTH my diet and exercise purposefully over months and months – and the exciting part is that it really works! (Common sense, I know, but I’m having significant success health-wise lately for the first time in a long time. More on this another day.)
17. A heart-felt email or text to a friend or loved-one is way more important than a blog post or any other social media thing. (Shauna Niequist’s recent article knocked the breath out of me on this. A very needed reminder. Still working here.)
18. Ask for help. Offer help!
19. Memoirs are my jam. I have around 10 of them on my nightstand right now. Can’t get enough of other people’s stories.
20. Poetry. I need it. I’m looking at you, Mary Oliver, Adrienne Rich, Amy Turn Sharp.
21. People will surprise you. They’ll change your mind about them, and it’s awesome and humbling and convicting.
22. Jesus is bigger. Bigger than denominations, politics, labels, false dichotomies, hate, assumptions – all of it. Jesus is bigger, and He loves er’body. (A la Gungor.)
23. In reading and in conversations, giving some nuance and acknowledging the variations in perspectives and layers of complications in issues are a big deal to me. I love reading about politics and Big Issues, but my number one turn-off is people writing about complicated, difficult, intense issues without a single shred of thoughtfulness or compassion or acknowledgement that there’s room for discussion or a nod to the fact that their perspective might not be the only legitimate one. Give me some carefully chosen words, kindness and grace, and I’ll keep reading. Otherwise, not so much.
24. Feminist isn’t a dirty word. (Saving the most pseudo-controversial for last. Be gentle, please. I’m speaking here only for myself and on what I have learned. No prescriptives, just my experience.) This year I learned that it really bothers me when leaders say off-hand, derogatory, dismissive things about feminists or feminism. (Another example of zero nuance! Ha.) I was born into a relatively privileged life, but even with those privileges intact, my life would be different without the hard work of so many women towards equality; and frankly, I’m thankful for the opportunities that my generation of girls has had! (Not trying to discount the fact that some have had more than others. Lots of work still to be done towards access and equality.) SO, I’m tired of people flippantly bashing feminism. It makes me feel small, and I think it wrongly dismisses the legitimate and needed work of so many women. It gets really, really old. I know feminism is complicated and imperfect like anything else, and like any other movement has had some negative effects along with positive impacts. BUT, I do tire of people portraying it as wholely useless, or even evil.
25. That said, I know feminism means a lot of different things to a lot of different people, so, to be clear, the kind of feminism that I’m for is this: equality and agency for all. I think that feminism means women having agency in their lives, making decisions for what’s best for them and their people – i.e. be a stay-at-home-mom if that’s what works for you and your family! Or be single! Or teach! Or travel! Or work -full time, part-time, whatever! It means letting go of tradition-based prescriptives: women should literally be quiet, women should follow, women should wait, women should stay home, women should only be teachers or secretaries or nurses, women should wait, women should be covered up, women should be weak and demure. It means that I’m convinced that feminism and Christianity don’t have to be enemies. Freedom in Christ, y’all. Equality and agency. (For more on this, see: this post by Annie B. Jones – I’ve had a similar experience, Suzannah Paul‘s work, Sarah Bessey‘s work, PBS’s recent Makers documentary, Women in the World.)

Like I said, this time next year, I want to be writing about lessons-learned from trying new things, creating more and consuming less, taking risks, loving well and big, and serving in new ways. I want to be surprised, again and again. I want to stay blazingly aware to this world and how God is moving and how He is changing me, you, us.

Here’s to another year learning and growing and changing.

What have you learned in your last year? Do you feel like you’re learning more by doing/creating or by reading/consuming?

Steadfast is my word for 2013, and I’m not exactly sure how I’ve been doing at it so far. I have noticed being tossed-to-and-fro less, chasing random ideas less, and focusing more on my main things – the things that truly matter and the things that fire me up, but I’m still a little slow on the uptake when it comes to self-discipline, logistics, and detail tasks. 

I’ve been trying to collect little clues towards this. If my year’s aim is to better learn how to faithfully, steadfastly accept and serve where God has put me, then, if I know me, I’m going need to little tools and babysteps and tricks and reminders to keep moving towards that. If I want that 1 Corinthians 15:58 steadfastness in which I believe and walk in the truth that my labor is not in vain, then I need to keep learning, and I think the ways that I learn best are reading and doing and talking/writing it out.

“It’s possible to begin to believe that only the revolutionary pursuits require bravery.
But being brave also means waking up to your today responsibilities (no matter what they are) and then moving into them as the person you most fully are – with all of your unique desire, personality, and creativity.
Sometimes today will mean doing something risky or new. Most times it just means doing the same thing I did yesterday. Either way, the point is my life with Christ and his life in me.”
– Emily P. Freeman

Those words by Emily caught me off guard last week – waking up to your dailies and moving into them as you are, not as you think you ought to be. Still chewing on that.

And, these thoughts on strengths and weaknesses from Christine a few days ago have also stuck with me.

The trouble is we assign different values to various personality traits and abilities so, instead of simply being faithful with the strengths we’ve been given, we think we have to have every strength and no weaknesses or God can’t use us. And when we fall or a weakness comes through, we immediately say to ourselves, “I am a bad (fill-in-your-blank).”

What would happen, I wonder, if we embraced our strengths and our weaknesses? What if we didn’t try to push ourselves through our weaknesses but focused instead on being good stewards of our strengths?

… There’s freedom in that. And there’s freedom that because of the cross, because God sees Christ when He looks at us (if we are in Him), we are never a disappointment to the One who matters most.” – Christine Hoover

Freedom in Christ means freedom from the high expectations we burden ourselves with and freedom from the pressure to be good at ALL THE THINGS. Thank goodness.

I just recently finished reading Hard Optimism, and focusing on your strengths – walking in those well and really honing them, as well as getting help and systems for your weak areas in life, instead of trying in futility to turn them into strengths – was one of the twelve practices outlined in the book. Still chewing on that book as well. Lots of practical insights.

So, those are my rambling thoughts on how 2013 is looking so far. A lot of thinking, rambling talks with Garret, fun, planning, and babysteps. Here are some highlights from February and little babystep goals for March.

February recap:

• Memorized 1 Corinthians 15:58.
• Was pretty steady in counting calories and going to the gym. Total weight lost since January 1: 14 lbs! Need to do a whole post on that soon – it’s been so fun seeing results.
• Finished 2 books – One Thousand Gifts and Hard Optimism.
• Started working through Lara Casey’s posts on goal setting and Making Things Happen.
• Successfully stayed in town every weekend except for one.
• Attended a sewing class taught by my friend Corrie and photographed it.
• Joined the Influence Network, took my first class, and learned a lot in the forums.
• Ran 2 miles straight for the first time in a long time.
• Organized our outdoor closet, hung all the garden and grilling tools on the wall.
• Started some small new family traditions with Garret that we’ve really enjoyed and that I’ve really appreciated his enthusiasm in.

March 2013:

• Lightly go through A Million Miles in a Thousand years again. When I read it a couple of years ago, that book really fired me up.
• Keep making travel plans with Garret for this summer and fall. Excited about this one!!
• Finish 4 books, and catch up on posting book reviews here.
• Keep pushing “publish” here more. Don’t save the good stuff for later, like some crazy writer-squirrel afraid of a creative winter.
• Dig up winter garden, add new dirt and nutrients, and plant spring garden: onions, lettuce, red lettuce, Swiss chard, cucumbers, zucchini, strawberries, tomatoes, peppers, herbs, and new flowers out front. Excited about this! I’m still very much an amateur, but I really enjoy working in the garden.
• Stick to new budget goals.
• Memorize Psalm 112:6-8
• Keep memorizing Romans 12 and get v. 1-2 down pat.
• Keep counting calories and try to exercise for 60 min 4 x a week.
• Keep using my sewing machine more, even if it’s just for easy projects.
• Run 3 miles straight – get ready for the 5K in April.
• Cook some recipes from Bread and Wine for friends, before I review it here.
• Attend 2 Influence Net classes.
• Figure out how I want to celebrate my 26th birthday in April!
  

How’s your year going so far? Any recent accomplishments – big, small, or tiny? List a few in comments and let’s cheer each other on. If you need someone to give you permission to brag on yourself, toot your own horn, etc., etc.  here it is.

One of my least favorite parts of this season of life is that friendship takes a lot more work now than it used to. But I think I’ve learned that can be a good thing.

See, for most of college I lived in a big, old, creaky house full of girl friends, and it was just about the funnest thing I’d ever done up to that point. We were all believers, 90% of the time we all got along, we cooked and studied together, people and friends and boyfriends were over constantly, and half the time there was some kind of discipleship group or Bible study meeting in our living room. There was always someone around to talk to, and being able to pray with and cry with those dear friends is something I’ll always remember.

By the end of my few years in that house, I was so excited to get married and then start living with Garret. And now, almost three years later, he’s still my favorite roommate of all time. But also?

Maintaining, growing and starting friendships takes A LOT more work now! I miss seeing girl friends every day. I miss friendship and community being convenient. I miss silly, late nights studying and laughing together.

But I’ve also learned that friendship taking more effort is not a completely negative thing.

• It forces you to decide which relationships to invest your limited time in, and makes it clearer when you need to step away from one. You have to be honest and realize that physically and emotionally you can’t keep up with everyone’s lives, and intentionally nourishing a smaller amount of close friendships instead is more fulfilling and helpful to others anyways. (Shauna Niequist’s “home team” concept in Bittersweet has really helped me accept my limits with this.)
• If you value a friendship, you have to put in the work to nourish it. You have to plan things and put yourself out there, even if you’re feeling lazy. You have to follow up even if you’re tired of always being the one making plans. Loving your friends and serving them well is worth the effort! Asking questions in conversations, making a big deal out of birthdays, and offering help are other worthwhile ways to love your friends well.
• When you’re lonely or having a hard time, you have to make the effort to call, email, text a friend – you can’t just walk down the dorm hallway or knock on your housemate’s door anymore, unfortunately. You have to be humble enough to admit when you need a hand and then seek it. Most friends can’t read your mind! Ha.
• Learning that friendships go in season and that no single one friend will ever be our perfect friend reminds us 1) to love people for themselves and not for their ability to meet our expectations or needs, and 2) to take our emotions, worries and needs first to Christ, who will always perfectly meet our needs, giving comfort and wisdom. (Christine Hoover’s book is a great resource on this.)

What have you learned about friendship in recent years?

For the past month or so I’ve been going on and on a bit about the funness that is The Influence Network. I joined in February, and it’s been worth every penny! Influence is basically a bunch of smart, believing women getting together and sharing their wisdom, prayers, advice, expertise and resources. I love that there’s tons of small business owners and creative professionals in the network, and I’ve super-enjoyed gaining wisdom from those ladies in the forums and classes. I highly recommend it if you’re interested.

ANYWAYS, today Influence is having a linkup to help members get to know the all the women of the network. And, I’m hoping to meet some of these folks in-person at the Influence Conference this September. Eek! So, here’s a little bit about me.

1. I’m a married, believing, working full time, twenty-something in Texas.

2. I’m starting a photography business.

3. In high school, I did power-lifting. My senior year I could bench press my body weight and squat and dead-lift over twice that! Too bad I can’t anymore, ha! I actually really miss being that strong – it was SO. FUN.

One thing I’ve learned from Influence: you CAN do the strategic work to be successful with your creative pursuits while also faithfully serving the Lord in your responsibilities and family, and there are tons of women out there doing it. And a lot of them are really nice!

Also, joining Influence has been one of the best decisions I’ve made in 2013, and one of the several little reasons why this year is looking really, really good. I’m excited to see what lies ahead, knowing that 1) God is faithful, and 2) it probably won’t be what I expect!

{Part 1 covered online writing boundaries. Today I’m getting a tad more rambling (you’re welcome), looking at boundaries and issues with in-person-words.}

The not-so-fun part of this whole process of boundaries is that as much as I want to sometimes, I can’t make others follow my boundaries, in online life or in in-person life.

I can’t force my expectations on them; I can only seek to follow wise boundaries myself, working to stick to a wise standard regardless of the situation.

“Expectations (are) disappointments under construction.”
- Imperfect Birds, by Anne Lamott

When I read that line in January, you could have knocked me over with a feather.

I desperately needed to hear that. And I remembered, “Expectations kill relationships” – where had I heard that recently? …Ann Voskamp! Weeks before, her book had reminded me to look to God’s goodness and not to tightly clutched expectations of other people, which so often lead to disappointments of my own doing. (And could there be any two more wonderful Ann(e)’s with such widely varied styles?!)

My expectations just about jump down my throat when I’ve been around loose cannons in real life – folks who believe they have a right to say whatever they want, whenever they want. I’ve seen the damage done, the hearts bruised and disregarded, and I have a hard time forgiving and forgetting those things. I selfishly keep a record of wrongs.

I remind myself of the times I’ve spoken harsh, too, and that lasts for approximately a second before I indignantly examine the disparity I see between my ever-present expectations and their hurtful-to-me actions. I stand jaw-dropped, my little selfish, angry heart demanding fairness (!) and apologies and boundaries.

And then I tend to be proceed a bit backwardly and reactionary with such things. Clamoring over to the other side of this philosophical divide, I avoid. I bottle-up. I so badly want to throw mean words back like many rocks, but I hold back, and rightly so.

I thought.

See… sometimes I end up feeling more pressure-cooked than self-controlled.

More reactionary than loving.

Because often times, the same thought patterns I use to lock-down hurtful words reappear when I actually need to say hard-but-necessary-but-also-scary words or even helpful, loving, creative words, too. Does that make sense? It’s a big rubber-band ball of fearing risks, over-analyzing, clinging to self-importance. It freezes me. It’s freaking annoying.

//

So I think I actually want to be a loose cannon.

I want to be a loose cannon of good words and life-giving hopes spoken aloud. Because sometimes talking about the good, those deeply from-God stories that resonate hard, bouncing off the walls in our hearts, those are just as hard to speak of as the possibly-confrontation-inducing harder words.

I want to be a loose cannon for vulnerability; not over-sharing, but instead freely letting others in on the fact that there are issues and they are mine and they are, um… not so pretty.

And I want to be a loose cannon for gentle, hard, necessary conversations too, somehow finding the line to walk between not letting myself be a doormat but also not speaking insensitively.

And, within my own boundaries, I want to write here more loosely as well. Less agonizing, more publishing. More smart risk-taking.

//

But, how? How to be holy-loose with the words of my mouth and words poured out of my hands?

What do you think? Can we be loose cannons with love on our lips instead of discouragement? And please, tell me, how do you walk that difficult line between doormat and too-honest in relationships? Can somebody be my life coach on this? Just kidding, mostly.

This word was on my mind earlier this year. Loose, free, careless, without restraint.

It’s been on my mind because I’m kind of particular when it comes to public words.Especially public words that can wound and public words that can oversimplify.

The issue of boundaries with online sharing is something I can be overly sensitive with because both my full-time work and my personal work involve a lot of public writing, and so I’m hyper-aware that everything we put on the internet is 100% public and 100% permanent. A few months ago I vent-tweeted “What if we held loosely our political leanings, opting for listening, self-control & thoughtfulness instead of knee-jerk reactions?” because I was, frankly, fed-up with the lack of compassion, nuance and listening that I was seeing from both real life contacts and social media contacts in regards to complicated policy and social issues. (One of my boundaries is to try not to vent-tweet, but sometimes it happens! Ha.)

I was guessing that other people might feel the same way, and it seemed to resonate with some friends. I think many of us are tired of the yelling. I’ve figured out in recent years that I need and want to hold tight to Jesus and relationships and the Word, but loosely to the trappings of this world and loosely to my own views that will surely evolve over time as I (hopefully!) gain wisdom.

When it comes to online writing expectations, those themes of listening and self-control are pretty important to me. Regarding boundaries and privacy, these are some of my basic guidelines that I want to continue following in 2013:

• Stick to these boundaries regardless of circumstances.
• Be considerate and thoughtful.
• Respect your family and friends’ privacy – only tell your story.
• Don’t write publish angry.
• Be a lover, not a fighter – write for encouragement and positive change.
• If a post, tweet, status, etc. doesn’t feel right, sit on it for at least 24 hours; the world isn’t dying to hear your thoughts. It can wait. Or maybe just trash that one.
• Know your niche, and stick to that.

Practically, for me this looks like 1) focusing all of my online publishing on my niche(s) – creativity, photography, faith, encouragement, and advice for twenty-somethings; 2) for about a million reasons, resisting the frequent urge to write online about controversies and politics, even though I super-love talking politics in-person with good friends; 3) listening to my husband’s advice before I publish possibly problematic things.

And sometimes I fail at this. It’s definitely a process. Also, since we’re constantly evolving as individuals, I’m sure my boundaries and focuses will change over time. Maybe one day I’ll  write online about politics (that sounds so fun!) but for now I’m sticking to my boundaries.

//

What do online writing boundaries look like for you? Any tips on this?